do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
