so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize