3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
