here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
