So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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