i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
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I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
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I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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