Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
