Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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