Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
