i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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