And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
