How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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