Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
