it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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