I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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