Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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