I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
