she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Randomize
