I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
