My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
