Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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