Your tits are I can't wait for
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
