NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?