Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight