Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?