dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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