so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
