My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
