you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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