THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
