Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
