maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
