matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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