you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
