summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
