MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Dicks are not precious.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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