When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize