It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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