I've blown a few things in my day
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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