you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
