You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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