what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
home. puking in laundry basket.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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