she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
