thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
no, he came in my armpit
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
