I am spending my child support on dildos
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
