i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
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Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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