i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
