So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
