Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
