You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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