She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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