Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
