i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
