Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Randomize
