sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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