he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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