obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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