Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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