It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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