Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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