sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
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