theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize